“How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!”
“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”
“Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the ‘no-bell’ prize.”
“I’ve got a great joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.”
“I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.”
“I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!”
“I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I’ve never looked back since.”
“You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.”
“What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”
“Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the ‘P’ is silent.”
“What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.”
“What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.”
“I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!”
“What’s the best smelling insect?” “A deodor-ant.”
“I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice.”
“Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!”
“If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?”
“I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.”
“It takes guts to be an organ donor.”
“If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?”
“I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!”
