Just for laughs

Contributed by R. Houston

It doesn’t matter how big your house is, how much money you have, or that you wear expensive clothes.
Our graves will be the same size.
Stay humble.

The brain is the most amazing organ.
It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year from birth until you fall in love.

What did our parents do when they were bored with no internet?
I asked my 18 brothers and sisters, and they didn’t know either.

Friendship is when people know all about you…
but like you anyway.

I don’t think before I speak…
I like to be just as surprised as everyone else about what I say.

I always found it a bit confusing when the teacher would say “Don’t get smart with me!”

Paddy is doing some roofing for Murphy.
He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and going dizzy.
He calls down to Murphy and says, “I tink I will ave to go home. I’ve gone all giddy and I feel sick.”
Murphy asks, “Ave yer go vertigo, Paddy?”
Paddy replies, “No, I only live around the corner.”

Paddy took two stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow.
“Ooh!” said the presenter. “This is a very rare breed, do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?”
“Sticks.” replied Paddy.

Paddy and Murphy were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of lawn.
“I’m going to do that when I win the lottery,” said Paddy.
“Do what?” asked Murphy.
“Send my lawn out to be mowed”.

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
When a slate falls off the roof slicing Paddy’s ear off.
Murphy finds it and says, “Is this yours Paddy?”
“No,” says Paddy, “mine had a pencil behind it”.