Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it’d be a foot.
Why don’t dinosaurs talk? Because they’re dead.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra – get it?
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.
What did the mime say to his audience? Nothing. He held his character because he’s a professional.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
It’s inappropriate to make a dad joke if you are not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!
What’s green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it’s also terrible.
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? “Oops!”
What do you call a man who can’t stand? Neil.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey… but then I turned myself around.
I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”
Have you heard the rumor about butter? Never mind, I shouldn’t be spreading it.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
