Dad jokes
- My car horn wasn’t working, so I took it to a Boy Scout. He fixed it and said… “Beep repaired.”
- During the recent wet weather, I tried holding back water with bags of self-raising flour! But with the flour, water, and the hot sun, it just got Damper!!
- I’m almost a millionaire. I have all the zeros, now I just need a one.
- My friend Jay had twin girls. He wanted to name them after him. I suggested Kaye and Elle.
- What happens when a microscope crashes into a telescope? They kaleidoscope.
- I shipped the bottom half of some mannequins in a used coffin once, and they got lost. I knew I shouldn’t have put all my legs in one casket.
- Just seen that Donner and Blitzen are for sale on eBay… Nobody has put a bid in for them yet though… Wonder if it’s because they’re two deer…?
- Prosecutors are pursuing IKEA for evading over $500 million in taxes. But they’re having a hard time putting their case together.
- I just passed my introductory apiarist exam. I got a bee.
- I want buns of steel, but unfortunately, I also want buns of cinnamon.
- Apple’s new Apple Intelligence will allow devices to make sarcastic responses. The iRoll launches in September.
- My kids put together a PowerPoint presentation explaining why we should go to the water park… It has several slides.
- When my friend Joyce learned she could clone herself, she rejoiced.