Noah vs Red Tape
One day in 2005, the Lord came to Noah — now living in Australia — and said:
“The world has once again become wicked and overpopulated. The end is near. Build another Ark and save two of every living creature, along with a few good humans. You’ve got six months before it rains for 40 days and nights!”
Six months later, God looked down and saw Noah sitting in his backyard… no Ark, just Noah sobbing under a half-finished pergola.
“Noah!” boomed the Lord. “Where’s the Ark? I’m about to start the rain!”
Noah sighed.
“Lord, things have changed. I needed a building permit. Council says I’ve breached zoning laws, the neighbours complained, and the planning tribunal is still reviewing my case.”
“Transport authorities want a bond to relocate power lines so I can tow the Ark to the coast — I told them the sea’s coming to us, but no one believes me.”
“I can’t get timber — can’t chop trees, due to concerns about endangered parrots. Tried to explain I’m saving them too, but no dice.”
“When I started gathering animals, animal welfare groups hit me with legal action for keeping them in captivity. I need over 800 permits just to house them.”
“The EPA banned the pitch I need — bad for the environment. WorkSafe shut down my scaffolding. The union says I can’t use my sons — no Ark-building certification. Fair Work is investigating, and Immigration’s checking everyone’s visas.”
“Then the ATO froze my accounts — said I was trafficking endangered species.”
Noah looked up:
“Lord, this’ll take 100 years.”
Then the skies cleared, the sun came out, and a rainbow appeared.
Noah asked, “So you’re not destroying the world?”
The Lord replied,
“No need — the government already has.”