Just for laughs

Who could have known?
“Hi Sarah, listen I only have a minute. I’m about to get picked up for a blind date, can you call me in half an hour just in case it’s going bad? Yes? OK great.”
Raquel gave herself a quick spray of perfume, checked herself out one more time in the mirror and headed outside to wait for the guy.
Sure enough after 20 minutes Raquel was discreetly checking her watch. After ten more long minutes her phone finally buzzed. Raquel listened for a few seconds, grimly pursed her lips and turned to her date.
“I feel terrible but my grandmother is terribly sick and I must go home now.”
“No problem,” said her date with a big grin. “In a few more minutes my dog was going to get run over!”

Oh uncle
I asked my niece to get me a newspaper.
She laughed at me and said: “Oh uncle, you are so old, just use my phone.”
So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill the spider.