Just for Laughs- March 28 Edition

PATTON staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom but misjudged the bottom step. As he grabbed the banister to catch himself, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke, making the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.
“You were drunk again last night, weren’t you?” she said.
Patton said, “Why you say such a thing?”
“Well,” Kathleen said, “it could be the open front door, or the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, or the drops of blood trailing through the house, or your bloodshot eyes, but mostly…it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.”