A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring etc., when she interrupted him.
“Hey, look, I’m a vet – I don’t need to ask my patients these kind of questions, I can tell what’s wrong just by looking. Why can’t you?”
The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, “There you are. Of course, if that doesn’t work, we’ll have to have you put down.”
Reilly is walking through a graveyard when he comes across a headstone with the inscription: ‘Here lies a politician and an honest man.’
“Faith now,” exclaims Reilly, “I wonder how they got the two of them in the one grave.”
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”
“Just water,” says the priest.
The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?”
The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”
Contributed by Eunice Prickett