“I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.”
“A guy walks into a bar… and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.”
“You think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg.”
“When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?”
“I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know…”
“Do you wanna box for your leftovers?” “No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”
“That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted.”
“Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them.”
“If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?”
“What country’s capital is growing the fastest?” “Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.”
“I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea.”
“Did you know corduroy pillows are in style? They’re making headlines.”
“Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay, he woke up.”
“A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve food here.’”
“I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn’t concentrate.”
“I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.”
“Have you ever tried to catch a fog? I tried yesterday but I mist.”
“I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”
“Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.”
“I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.”
